For as long as I can remember I've always loved professional wrestling. There was always just something about these larger than life characters doing incredibly athletic things that caught my attention as a kid and I still enjoy watching it today.
Tonight I sat down and watched my weekly dose of TNA's Impact Wrestling. I never miss an episode, in part because I do a segment for my friends' podcast...But I'd still be watching even if I wasn't. TNA is a funny company. It's filled with former WCW stars, Ex-WWE Wrestlers, and underused homegrown talent. It's not always a great show...But it's usually interesting and always fun to talk about.
Tonight I recorded my usual segment with my buddies and before we got into the wrestling we talked about my recent issues with depression and my new-found focus on getting real with myself & others. It felt good to talk to friends that have my back and want the best for me. The listeners of the show have also been a great source of support and insight. Some of them have shared personal stories of their battles with feelings of inadequacy and depression. They've also given me tips on how to deal with things that may pop up on my road to healing.
The fact that I have all of these people not just listening to me...But rooting for me makes me glad that I decided to finally take off my mask. In the past I often sought out unhealthy means to get the "love" that I thought I needed. These ways included acting out, putting on a show, and putting on my "hero" cape. It's also one of the reasons I did stupid & hurtful things like still being signed up on a dating site while I was in a committed relationship. I never wanted to be with any of those women, but I did crave their attention and compliments because my family, my friends, and my ex's love and support were never enough for me. As much as they cared about me it didn't matter, because I wasn't happy with myself. Well, I'm working on that and the support of my extended "Internet Family" (especially my fellow wrestling fans) is going a long way towards showing me how good true love & real friendship can actually feel. Who knew healing could come from something as "silly" as Pro Wrasslin'?
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