Hello.
My name is Nathaniel William-Payne Milton and I am a human being.
This is my first ever attempt at a blog, and I don't really know what I want to accomplish through this other than to tell my story. I want to express my feelings (both good & bad) in a reasonably safe place. I want to use this blog to analyze and explain and understand and uncover the true me. I'm 35 years old and for 25 of those years I didn't know who the true me was. Maybe I still don't...But at least now I think I'm on the right path to discovering who that true me is. That path is a scary and daunting and hard road that I've always avoided going down until recently (like until 72 hours ago). That's why I named this blog "The Road Less Traveled". I know that's a played-out and uncool reference...Lol! But I'm through trying to be cool. I'm through trying to be good. I'm ready to start being real.
I don't know who if anyone is going to read this. Maybe it will be a family member, maybe a friend, maybe an ex-girlfriend, or a current/former employer...Maybe the only person that will read this thing is a future version of me as I reflect on this journey. I don't know, and I really don't care. What I do care about is being happy. What I do care about is feeling loved and having the capacity to truly love myself and others. And hopefully this blog helps me with that. I don't know how often I will post, but I do know that it feels good to have another tool to try to work out some of my feelings.
One thing I learned recently is that being sad or angry or selfish doesn't make me a bad person. It makes me human. So on this blog you may see me get angry or sad or profane or even petty at times. But that's ok because as long as I don't act out on those feelings I'll be fine. It's ok because everyone hurts and we all have to deal with these very real feelings in different ways. It's ok because it's a part of my journey towards being happy. But most of all it's ok because I'm ok. And I'm alright. And I'm learning to accept who I really am.
And who I am is a guy named Nathaniel William-Payne Milton...And I am a human being.
Damn fine first post. I suspect you and I have something in common: I can be funny all damn day and never let any authenticity show through. It's to the point now where if I'm being sincere, I fear that it sounds like I'm being a smart ass. Does that make sense? Regardless, I very much look forward to reading this blog!
ReplyDeleteThanks Sarah.
ReplyDeleteThat makes perfect sense. Humor/being a smart-ass is a great way to hide what we're really feeling. It took me losing someone who probably was my soul-mate & being humbled & hitting rock-bottom to finally want to take off my mask and get real with myself and others.