You CAN Win!

I've always liked this scene from "The Wiz" (the Black adaptation of "The Wizard Of Oz" for those not in the know).  A young Michael Jackson plays The Scarecrow.  Unlike the original movie, Jackson's Scarecrow isn't so much dumb, but negative, naive, and besieged by his eternal enemies (some ghetto crow-people...Yeah, this movie got made somehow!).  Well, around this time 4 months ago this was pretty close to how I felt.  I was about as low as I've ever been.  I felt powerless & paranoid.  Surrounded by enemies (both real & imagined), betrayed by friends, and attacked by my own negative thoughts.  It was like a sick game that my mind would play with my heart.  Frequently I would diminish the good things in my life or the praise I got from my family, friends, and co-workers.  It was nice to hear...But to my broken psyche they were hollow words that couldn't fill the hole in my soul.  Instead my mind would reject the positivity and instead absorb all of the negative things in my life and use them as ammunition to attack myself and continue the same vicious cycle that I had ben repeating for the past 25 years.

But now with a few months of perspective and clarity under my belt; I know that everything really does happen for a reason.  Everyone goes through hard times, the important thing -What defines our character -  is how you respond.  I can honestly say for most of my life I didn't handle adversity well.  I usually kept everything inside and tried to drink and/or smoke the pain away.  It was effective to some degree, but ultimately nothing got solved by doing that. Today I'm smarter, stronger, and healthier (mentally & physically) than I've ever been.  I've taken my fair share of hits, but I'm working hard to no longer let those losses define me.  I realize that I CAN win (or at least break even)...And I've finally checked myself out of the game.

They say it's always darkest before the dawn...And maybe they're right.  I don't know what life has in store for me, but I know that I have better days ahead.  Onward & Upward...I can't wait to see what tomorrow brings!